{"id":12771,"date":"2024-04-04T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2024-04-04T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.scotwork.com\/nz\/blog-nz\/back-off-dealing-with-bullies-and-aggressive-behaviour\/"},"modified":"2024-04-04T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2024-04-04T00:00:00","slug":"back-off-dealing-with-bullies-and-aggressive-behaviour","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.scotwork.com\/nz\/blog-nz\/2024\/back-off-dealing-with-bullies-and-aggressive-behaviour\/","title":{"rendered":"Back off! – Dealing with bullies and aggressive behaviour"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

There\u2019s a lot in the media at the moment about \u201cbullying\u201d.\u00a0 It seems that often when you challenge a point of view there is a risk that the challenge could give rise to an accusation of bullying.\u00a0 When we ask people about which negotiating situation they find most challenging they often tell us it involves aggressive behaviour.\u00a0 The use and abuse of power is a significant issue in life.\u00a0 People who are bigger, stronger, more experienced or further up the organisational hierarchy can use their power positively and negatively.\u00a0 Abusing power to the detriment of others is today often described as \u00a0\u201cbullying\u201d even though the original meaning of a bully was a \u201csweetheart\u201d.<\/p>\n

People abuse power because doing so works for them.\u00a0 When we assess the power balance, we may judge that we are in a less advantageous position (although we often underestimate our own power).\u00a0 If you think that you have the balance of power and that your goals are aligned then you should explore ways of achieving mutually beneficial outcomes \u2013 adopt a collaborative approach.\u00a0 If you feel that although goals are aligned, the other party has the greater leverage, then seek to demonstrate that you can bring to the negotiation things that the other party values \u2013 that way, you can contribute and get an outcome which benefits you.<\/p>\n

The problems usually arise when the other party wants their own way and sees crushing you as a legitimate means of getting it.\u00a0 Remember, complete powerlessness is very rare \u2013 you usually have something the other party wants and aggression is mostly a tactic.\u00a0 People use tactics because they work for them \u2013 bullies bully because they have got away with it before either with you or with others.<\/p>\n

Abuse of power is usually determined by where your interests lie in relation to the activity.\u00a0 Recently, a council meeting setting a budget was halted by a loud pro-Palestinian demonstration in the council chamber.\u00a0 One of the councillors then tried to push one of the demonstration leaders out of the chamber.\u00a0 I am sure if you asked either of these players which of them was abusing power, they would both say it was the other party and that they were acting entirely within their rights.\u00a0 In a similar way to other negotiating issues, it is never a bad thing to try your best to see the things you plan to do from the other party\u2019s perspective.<\/p>\n

As with many issues, good communication is key.\u00a0 When you negotiate with an aggressor, be very clear about what you want to achieve, where you might be willing to be flexible and, importantly, where you are not.\u00a0 Very critical to all of this is avoiding emotions \u2013 remember the quote from George Bernard Shaw: \u201cNever wrestle with a pig, you both get dirty and the pig enjoys it!\u201d\u00a0 Don\u2019t be drawn in to the temptation to use similar tactics back, they are almost certainly better at it than you, they have had more practice.\u00a0 Keep things factual, describe the behaviour they exhibit and what effect it has on you and others then prescribe different behaviour for the future always avoiding evaluative expressions \u2013 accusing someone of being unreasonable, belligerent or a bully will just make them more so because it focuses on the emotion and not the facts: and the more you do it the more likely the real issue of the negotiation is to get lost in the ensuing scrap.\u00a0 It is also helpful to make a timeline for improvement and to monitor it regularly.<\/p>\n

Newspapers may have us believe that workplace bullying is more common than it has been \u2013 it probably isn\u2019t, but if we encounter it, we need to treat it as we would if we met it in a negotiation \u2013 recognise it, call it out by describing it and propose better behaviour.\u00a0 Your assertiveness balances the power with the aggressor and promoting your strength brings positivity back.\u00a0 Aggression, as anyone on a Scotwork course will tell you, very often leads to deals which are not optimal as the outcome is achieved without cooperation or real commitment to the outcome because no-one ever made themselves great by showing how small someone else is.<\/p>\n<\/article>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There\u2019s a lot in the media at the moment about \u201cbullying\u201d.\u00a0 It seems that often when you challenge a point of view there is a risk that the challenge could give rise to an accusation of bullying.\u00a0 When we ask people about which negotiating situation they find most challenging they often tell us it involves…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":74,"featured_media":12772,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"_legacy_url":"blog-nz\/2024\/back-off-dealing-with-bullies-and-aggressive-behaviour\/","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12771","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nBack off! - Dealing with bullies and aggressive behaviour<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"World leaders in business negotiation training and consultancy with experts across 120 countries, with negotiation courses taught in 29 languages.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.scotwork.com\/nz\/blog-nz\/2024\/back-off-dealing-with-bullies-and-aggressive-behaviour\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Back off! 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