{"id":12838,"date":"2023-05-17T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2023-05-17T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.scotwork.com\/nz\/blog-nz\/stop-trying-to-please-everyone\/"},"modified":"2023-05-17T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2023-05-17T00:00:00","slug":"stop-trying-to-please-everyone","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.scotwork.com\/nz\/blog-nz\/2023\/stop-trying-to-please-everyone\/","title":{"rendered":"Stop trying to please everyone!"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

\u201cI\u2019m a people pleaser!\u201d admitted one of our clients during a recent negotiation training we did for them. The training program started more like a negotiation support group, but the participant wasn\u2019t alone. Many people in the room felt the same way, and they struggled with negotiating while desiring to please.<\/p>\n

People pleasers tend to confuse pleasing people with kindness. They also tend to believe that negotiators aren\u2019t kind. That couldn\u2019t be further from the truth. Skilled negotiators can be whatever they need to be to serve the negotiation. That\u2019s not to imply there aren\u2019t mean or, dare I say, bully negotiators. There are. The chameleon-like qualities of a skilled negotiator should also not be misinterpreted as disingenuous. Instead, I\u2019ve found that most skilled negotiators are kind, empathetic, and collaborative \u2014 but can be aggressive and competitive when needed.\u00a0<\/p>\n

That\u2019s good news for people pleasers. It means that you can be you, but you should also understand when you need to change and adapt to the situation. Let\u2019s look at two of the most common traits of people pleasers and highlight how those traits can be adjusted to help at the negotiating table.<\/p>\n

You can\u2019t say no.<\/strong><\/p>\n

We might as well start with the biggest hurdle for many people pleasers: pushing back on requests. Difficulty with saying \u201cno\u201d usually leads to giving in and unconditional concessions at the negotiating table.\u00a0<\/p>\n

For many people pleasers, discomfort with \u201cno\u201d stems from their desire to be accepted and liked. They hope that saying \u201cyes\u201d to everything will win over the other side and give them their needed validation. Unfortunately, when we don\u2019t push back, we rarely get what we want, and the desired validation remains elusive.\u00a0<\/p>\n

This habit will probably be the hardest to break. To begin, you don\u2019t need to jump into the deep end by saying \u201cno\u201d to everything. Instead, lean into your propensity to say \u201cyes,\u201d but say it with conditions. The next time you\u2019re asked to do something, think of one thing you want or need that would be appropriate to ask for, then make that condition part of your \u201cyes.\u201d<\/p>\n

For example, suppose you\u2019re asked to complete something ahead of a deadline. Think about what you need to make that happen so that it\u2019s not a burden on you. Would reshuffling priorities give you more time? Would more assistance on the project help? Once you\u2019ve decided what would be useful, offer \u201cyes\u201d with that condition: \u201cIf you can give me someone to help on the project, then I\u2019ll be able to get this done sooner.\u201d In this manner, you didn\u2019t say \u201cno\u201d; instead, you told them what you need in order to say \u201cyes.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n

You prefer harmony over conflict.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Conflict is the other major hurdle for a people pleaser. Avoiding conflict means that you\u2019ll struggle to get what you need and create situations that worsen over time.<\/p>\n

When we\u2019re driven by the need for validation, we tend to avoid conflict. When you rely solely on an outsider\u2019s validation, you derive confidence from them instead of from within yourself. As a negotiator, confidence in yourself and your approach makes you less likely to be intimidated or taken advantage of.<\/p>\n

The first step to developing your confidence is through preparation. Examining the power you have, your needs, their needs, and the issues at hand will help you feel more prepared when the negotiation happens. You can go even further by rehearsing what you say, how you\u2019ll answer tough questions, etc. All of which will build your confidence.<\/p>\n

The next step is being more comfortable with the inevitable conflict during a negotiation. Conflict is merely an opportunity to understand. It\u2019s literally a signpost that reads, \u201cWe see things differently.\u201d Instead of running away from the conflict, think of that signpost as an opportunity to ask, \u201cWhy do we see things differently?\u201d and \u201cHow did you come to that viewpoint?\u201d This will help you to better understand the conflict and put it in a productive context. More often than not, you\u2019ll discover the conflict isn\u2019t personal, but rather an issue that needs to be worked through to get to a deal.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not easy to change, but sometimes all it takes is looking at the world through a different lens to adjust your perspective. Through that lens, change gets a little easier. So, to my people-pleaser friends, it\u2019s OK to be you, but with some small adjustments, you can please\u00a0and<\/em>\u00a0get great deals.<\/p>\n\n

We Can Help You Please People\u00a0and<\/em>\u00a0Get Great Deals.<\/strong>Does your team struggle with negotiating while desiring to please? If so, they\u2019re likely making unconditional concessions while struggling to get what they need from a deal. We can help! Draw on Scotwork\u2019s nearly 50 years of real-world negotiating experience to get better deals, save time, and create value that preserves and strengthens relationships. Partner with one of our advisers to ensure you have the optimum view of your deal.<\/p>\n

Call one of our experts today:<\/p>\n

P: 042979069<\/p>\n

E: info@scotwork.co.nz<\/a><\/p>\n\n<\/article>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cI\u2019m a people pleaser!\u201d admitted one of our clients during a recent negotiation training we did for them. The training program started more like a negotiation support group, but the participant wasn\u2019t alone. Many people in the room felt the same way, and they struggled with negotiating while desiring to please. People pleasers tend to…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":70,"featured_media":12839,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"_legacy_url":"blog-nz\/2023\/stop-trying-to-please-everyone\/","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12838","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nStop trying to please everyone! | Scotwork NZ Negotiation Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"World leaders in business negotiation training and consultancy with experts across 120 countries, with negotiation courses taught in 29 languages.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.scotwork.com\/nz\/blog-nz\/2023\/stop-trying-to-please-everyone\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Stop trying to please everyone! 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