{"id":12965,"date":"2020-08-07T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2020-08-07T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.scotwork.com\/nz\/blog-nz\/don-t-sweat-the-small-stuff-its-all-about-perspective\/"},"modified":"2020-08-07T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2020-08-07T00:00:00","slug":"don-t-sweat-the-small-stuff-its-all-about-perspective","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.scotwork.com\/nz\/blog-nz\/2020\/don-t-sweat-the-small-stuff-its-all-about-perspective\/","title":{"rendered":"Don’t sweat the small stuff, its all about perspective"},"content":{"rendered":"
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A friend send me a short video clip at the weekend, which came\u00a0at just the right time. We were\u00a0in a dispute with colleagues. All parties felt aggrieved, everyone had different perspectives and nobody was going to yield. Long standing relationships were at risk of being compromised and escalation of the dispute, something that would hurt everyone, was coming ever nearer.\u00a0The video\u00a0made me smile, it reminded me of what’s important in life.\u00a0It didn’t so much change my perspective (both sides still maintain the other was wrong) but\u00a0helped me re-frame it.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

When faced with conflict we typically resort to one or more of 8 alternatives<\/p>\n

We try to persuade<\/strong> others we are right and they are wrong. We\u2019d done this and ended up going round in circles.<\/p>\n

We can try to problem solve<\/strong>, but this only works if we all see the problem from the same perspective, and invariably we don\u2019t.<\/p>\n

We can try Postponing<\/strong>. The delay in resolving the issue meant that for everyone the sense of injustice had increased.<\/p>\n

We can try to impose our own solution<\/strong>, that wasn\u2019t going to work with strong minded individuals who believed they were in the right. Escalation and retribution would have been the next step. Something that would have permanently damaged relationships and had other unfortunate consequences for all concerned.<\/p>\n

We can give in<\/strong> for a quiet life. One party had done that previously, This was part of the problem. They had, in their view been generous, without disclosing this to the other party. The sense of injustice simmered away, even though they had supposedly \u201cmoved on.\u201d Those feelings of injustice resurfaced down the track and were a significant part of the problem.<\/p>\n

One party tried haggling<\/strong>, but that incensed the other as it did not deal with the issues and would have resulted in a sub optimal deal everyone would have resented<\/p>\n

We referred the matter to arbitration<\/strong> but the mediator wanted the protagonists to resolve the matter together. Despite their attempts to \u201csmooth the waters\u201d and get us talking again, all sides took exceptions to words, supposed nuances in communications that weren\u2019t intended.<\/p>\n

We had obviously tried negotiation,<\/strong> but that only works if we\u2019ve set our objectives properly and we\u2019re prepared to move. I can\u2019t speak for my colleagues as to how well they\u2019d set their objectives. What I can say is that I\u2019d made the mistake of focusing on the issue at hand, not the bigger picture. I thought I had, hence I felt an even greater sense of injustice when I believed my colleagues were trying to take advantage of that. They weren\u2019t, their issues stemmed from what they believed to be an earlier injustice at my hands. Something I now needed to deal with.<\/p>\n

My friend’s little YouTube video made me:<\/p>\n