{"id":12982,"date":"2020-04-28T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2020-04-28T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.scotwork.com\/nz\/blog-nz\/be-nice-until-it-s-time-not-to-be-nice\/"},"modified":"2020-04-28T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2020-04-28T00:00:00","slug":"be-nice-until-it-s-time-not-to-be-nice","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.scotwork.com\/nz\/blog-nz\/2020\/be-nice-until-it-s-time-not-to-be-nice\/","title":{"rendered":"Be nice…. Until it’s time not to be nice"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

Full disclosure: This isn\u2019t the first time that I\u2019ve quoted the cult action classic\u00a0Road House<\/em>. But it may be the first time that such a quote inspired a few insights into negotiating during the era of COVID-19. In the movie, Dalton \u2014 an NYU philosophy grad-turned-gentleman bouncer played by Patrick Swayze \u2014 tells his crew of newly ordained bouncers, \u201cI want you to be nice . . . until it’s time to not be nice.\u201d With some liberties taken regarding the line\u2019s literal meaning, the same could be said about negotiating in a world of hyper-uncertainty.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s no two ways about it: Being collaborative will create a more valuable deal for all parties involved. However, not everyone will be collaborative, particularly when there are looming threats, such as going out of business, missing critical deadlines, and losing customers. When our backs are up against the wall and we\u2019re pushed to our limits, we can become more adversarial and turn into competitive negotiators. Let\u2019s break down Dalton\u2019s advice and apply it to dealmaking.<\/p>\n

Be Nice . . .<\/strong><\/p>\n

I know this sounds like something your mother, rather than a bouncer, may tell you. But being nice at the negotiating table can go a long way toward building trust and a more collaborative relationship. However, being nice should not be confused with being weak.<\/p>\n

You can be nice and be strong. You can be cordial and be firm. Your attitude has nothing to do with your strategy or the stand that you must take \u2014 even when you have to deliver bad news or say \u201cno.\u201d When delivering bad news, be direct and succinct. Don\u2019t sugarcoat it or fill it with unnecessary niceties. Instead, say what needs to be said while maintaining your nice demeanor.<\/p>\n

. . . Until It\u2019s Time . . .<\/strong><\/p>\n

We\u2019ve all been in a situation where everything seems to be going just fine . . . and then something happens. Somewhere along the way, unbeknownst to us, the situation changed and the other party began behaving differently. When this happens, it\u2019s tempting to start mirroring the behavior we\u2019re receiving \u2014 but when we do, circumstances can quickly escalate to a point from which it may be difficult to return.<\/p>\n

The next time this happens to you, get curious about\u00a0<\/span>why\u00a0it happened. Instead of being the bouncer who has to break up the fight, be the detective who uncovers what triggered the reaction. Be empathetic and seek to understand. Once you\u2019ve discovered the trigger, you\u2019ll want to find a way to deal with it instead of the emotion of the situation. This will help to keep emotions in check and everyone focused on the issues at hand.<\/span><\/p>\n

. . . to Not Be Nice<\/strong><\/p>\n

I believe that once you cross the threshold from nice to jerk, it\u2019s difficult to return because trust erodes and relationships deteriorate quickly. Simultaneously, everyone\u2019s guard goes up, no one is willing to share information, people become disagreeable, and they all seem to dig in their heels. At this point, a negotiation can come to a standstill or move forward in only very small increments.<\/p>\n

As a negotiator, I never want to hit the point of standstill, so I rarely feel like it\u2019s a viable choice to not be nice. That said, why do people go there? Most aren\u2019t aware that they\u2019re not being nice. They find themselves in that place because they lose sight of the end goal and, instead, get lost in the emotion of the situation \u2014 mostly their own emotions. When you find yourself slipping to that place \u2014 when you\u2019re speaking sarcastically, conducting yourself contemptuously, or exhibiting other not-so-nice behaviors \u2014 take a break. Walk away and clear your head. Get focused on the negotiation\u2019s goal and, if need be, bring in reinforcements who can help you remain in a collaborative space.<\/p>\n

So, maybe Dalton didn\u2019t get it all right, but when it comes to negotiating \u2014 whether at the\u00a0<\/span>Double Deuce<\/em>\u00a0or in your own business \u2014 his philosophy is still pretty solid. Keep it in mind and remember how you can be the bouncer of your own negotiations.<\/span><\/p>\n

Need Help With Nice?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Since we approach a deal with fresh eyes and without baggage, we can help you keep your emotions in check as you deal with other emotional negotiators. We\u2019ll assist you with getting better deals, saving time, creating value for all involved \u2014 not to mention preserving and even strengthening relationships. Let us partner you with one of our advisers, ensuring that you\u2019ve got the broadest view of your deal.<\/p>\n

Call one of our experts: info@scotwork.co.nz, P: 04 2979069<\/p>\n<\/article>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Full disclosure: This isn\u2019t the first time that I\u2019ve quoted the cult action classic\u00a0Road House. But it may be the first time that such a quote inspired a few insights into negotiating during the era of COVID-19. In the movie, Dalton \u2014 an NYU philosophy grad-turned-gentleman bouncer played by Patrick Swayze \u2014 tells his crew…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":70,"featured_media":12983,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"_legacy_url":"blog-nz\/2020\/be-nice-until-it-s-time-not-to-be-nice\/","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12982","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nBe nice.... 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